A teenager approached me to discuss about jealousy. It was an obvious factor of concern in the teenagers. This teenager expressed her uneasiness and disappointment at her friend who apparently was avalanching jealous feelings towards her because this teenager was doing extremely well with due adulations from her teachers and friends. This had worsened their relationship further. They could talk to each other in the same way they used for their friendship had overshadowed with the a concept or state of mind called "jealousy". Both teenagers had some serious problems and this had lead them to fight verbally and eventually physically. It was clear that the the teenager was in need of some sympathy which I poured out to her in abundance. This had made a clear impact on her and her jealous friend. She is still working on her dissipated relationship with her friend.
I was trying to unravel the mystery behind this "state of mind" as I would call it. Every state of mind is pre-meditated and solely works on the experiences of an individual. Sometimes this state comes in a subtle way where an individual finds difficult to sift the movements of the inner conscience. This is nothing but "a disoriented conscience" as I would call it. Jealousy works in different segments in a subtle way and tries to creep into one's own conscience both with awareness and without awareness. This develops into a process where an individual gradually develops an aversion towards the jealousee, which of course leads to an complete breakdown of relationship. Here two good friends or good couples can become good enemies as it happened in the hitherto case.
Main question comes to our mind is, why does one feels jealous towards the other? We have to keep in mind there are two persons involved in this process. Both are culpable in the process of jealousy, but I would and you would place weight of culpability on the person who feels jealous. The big problem lies on the person who is jealous and not the person who one is jealous of. There are several reasons why one feels jealous, but let me just mentions some of them.
1. Lack of self confidence: The main cause of the jealousy is that one doubts one's own abilities and skills. One compares with the other in a mere cut throat competitive manner. If one is hundred percent sure of one's own abilities and skills (not good to compare) then why does one has bother with the other.
2. Poor self image: If one feels that the other is more handsome and more intelligent, more better skilled, it is for sure that one is having a low or poor self image. This can prove to be right all the time because one cannot be best all the time. Hence one has to watch out for this temptation to compare. One has constantly strive to raise one's own self image.
3. Fear: Another important aftermath effect of jealousy that might affect the person is FEAR. Fear of being left alone, fear of being rejected, fear of losing the loved one, etc.
4. Insecurity: The above mentioned causes, poor self image and lack of self confidence might develop into insecurity. Insecurity comes from one's own negligence of one-self. This is the last thing where one reaches the ultimate sphere of jealousy.
It is true that we all feel jealousy sometime in our lives. It is very difficult to appreciate when someone does better than me. It is a challenge for some people because they have remained in a superficial level of confidence about oneself. This world is growing in a lights' speed, and people around us also cope with the speed that leads them to live in the context. Thus there will be always someone better than I am. We got to accept this and appreciate with a brotherly or sisterly concern. We have to remember the proverb, every dog has a day, the day might come I will be raised above cloud nine and day will also come I will brought right back to the dungeon. Therefore life is in a roller-coaster and jealousy will be a detrimental factor that disturb the whole process of human growth. We can learn to appreciate our fellow brother and sister irrespective of their intelligence, colour, creed, caste, age, sex, nationality, religion etc.
Someone once said, "don't waste time in jealousy, sometimes you are ahead, and sometimes you are behind, so get on with life." Let me end with a quote from Robert A. Heinlein; A Competent and self confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity."
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