Love is Loving

The Psychologist and Psychotherapist Scott Peck in his famous book "The Road Less Travelled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth" argues a significant idea of love is loving. He argues that so often we view love as a noun instead of a verb, as something that just happens to us or doesn't happen to us, instead of an on-going task we must work at and that work or that action of work is love. In his opinion when people feel as though they have 'fallen out of love', it is then that the opportunity for true love to grow is at its greatest. It is truly an interesting read about love and growth. 

It was in my teenage years I imagined love as a freedom to attain fullness of life's meaning. I was disappointed when that love did not work out the way I fantasised. This disappointment was tremendous at that tender age. I was feeling mad at my own life. But this disappointment was a normal phenomenon for I did not grow in loving. I just took the word 'love' in an abstract way. It was when I saw other couples who have been in love for many years that I realized love is loving or love is growing in love. 

Rev Fulton Sheen has a wonderful discourse on love in which he explains how the limitation of English language for the word 'love', unlike Greek who had three words for love, namely, Eros, Philia and Agape. In English, the same word is used to express love for anything that one loves. For instance, love chicken, love nature, love spouse, love children. The Greek language has a wider choice to express love to different things in a different way. As the word suggests, Eros is passionate or intense desire for something, especially sexual desire which will eventually become appreciative of other people. Philia is fondness and appreciation for the other where one expresses fondness as a friend or loyalty towards family, job and so on. Agape is paternal love towards God and God towards man but also extended as brotherly love towards all humanity. Agape draws elements of Eros and Philia to become perfect love in which there is no need for reciprocity. It becomes clear through these three kinds of expression of love that love is constantly growing to be perfect, that is, "Agape."

As my title suggests 'love is loving', one must recognise that love is not passive or once-done-deal rather it has to grow towards a perfect love. There is no pinnacle of love because human experience has taught us that love is constantly on a roller coaster. This has to be true as humans we tend to look for perfect love in which case love is stagnant and passive. 

In conclusion, I suggest that we reflect on our own love for each other; parents, children, spouses, teachers, students, siblings, friends and acquaintances. How has our love grown for the other? Love is not a noun but a verb, it is an action-oriented word. This action of growing is necessary to achieve a perfect love. I urge us to ponder on how we are working towards loving another person?