Sacred Love: Marriage as Sacrament

It is a joy for me to speak to the married couples, particularly the couples that share their joys and sorrows of their marital life. It was an absolute delight for me to meet about eight wonderful couple in the Catholic Media studio at Georgetown. I was the facilitator for the interviews on the questions proposed by the Holy Father on the Extraordinary Family Synod, which will take place in October 2014. The couples were delighted to share their own joy of being together for all that years they spent together. I will spill a few ideas shared by the couple along this article so that it will be handy for our discussions on Marriage as a Sacrament or Marriage as a Covenant. I am not expert in talking about marriage because it would be awkward if did without any pragmatic experience, however I shall rest my discussion on the Covenantal aspect of Marriage, because, many have raised their concern as Sacramental Marriage being in jeopardy.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church’s article 7 on Matrimony opens with a few beautiful phrases that would scatter some light on our understanding on Marriage as Sacrament. It writes, “The Matrimonial Covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a Sacrament.” This is an important paragraph from our Church document that talks beautifully about the Sacrament of Marriage. Based on this above statement let me try to identify some of the key areas that might allow us to concentrate on our theme, Covenantal Marriage.

Covenant: This is a key aspect of any marriage, a covenantal matrimony. One of the couples on the interview spoke about covenantal matrimony being in danger because of the lack of commitment between spouses. There is a steep decline in couples asking to be married in the Church, which is rather obvious since there a mediocre or barter-style of commitment in our world. It is a society of uncertainty in all spheres, hence “let’s try” relationship is on the rise. Our society today is marred by the several crises like economic, social etc. Our society is also going through a relationship crisis, in which relationship and commitments are separated. I know a young couple that has been living together for a long time. According to them marriage actually makes them more vulnerable to each other where they might need to be really committed blindly. Is this true to our young couples? Are you scared of being married before God?

God is the author of marriage. It is covenantal relationship and not a contract. In a contract we can walk our separate ways once the contract is over, it is not a business type relationship. When your business is over, you go your way and I go my way because both benefits, in whichever case it need not be true, one might lose the business. Covenantal relationship is unique to marriage, because of its sacredness and sanctifying effect. Two persons come together to become one body; they are no more two but one body. As some romantic expressions like ‘you are my heart, other half, my own’ would reveal that a spouses are united to be ONE. This covenantal union is blessed and intended by God.

Honest Partnership: In a Covenantal marriage, a man and woman choose to be together in an honest and free will. This honest and free will is not for the gallery but for themselves until death do them part. One of the spouses on the interview expressed that there is a barter-style relationship in which two people though married, seek for self-oriented benefits. One example being, today husband and wife have the ownership as individuals and not as together, hence a possessive language creeps into marriage. The lexes like, ‘this is mine, and that is yours’ which is a slight pointer that the couple is not fully secure with each other. In other words, the trust in each other is not a 100%. There has to be a selfless un-possessive language in which both share as ONE or everything in common. There must be a upright partnership with due respect for individual ownership. Hence, we have to move away from a business type partnership to selfless and honest relationship.

It is momentous that we have look up to the true role model couples that have been in commitment for the whole their life. Sometimes our role models are not necessarily inspiring when it comes to relationships. This glamorous world brings glamour but it also influences our way of life, may be negatively. Hence, we have to seek for the couple that have lived together honestly for a long time like one couple on my interview.

Marital Mission: Covenantal marriage not stagnant but it is mission oriented. It is a missionary covenantal marriage where two people come together to continue God’s noble mission of creation. “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it” (Gen 1:28). In fact God intended that a woman and man must come together to be His co-creators, hence the couple must be even more delighted because it is God’s own mission that they are called to do. It is not merely a mission but mission infolded with love; the fruit of marital love is children. Therefore, the covenantal marriage is for the good of the spouses and then that goodness leads to procreation. There is an element of selfless love for each other and ultimately for their children. That involves taking care of the offspring and guiding the children in the right path as God intends for every child. Hence, it is a noble mission given by God here on earth. For me, every new-born child reveals that God still loves us, God wants us to continue to be fruitful and multiply. Our couples undertake a wonderful and sacred mission of creation.

Christ in Matrimony: Christ is the author of the Sacrament of Matrimony; spouses themselves confer this Sacrament, in other words they administer this sacrament to each other in the name of the Trinity. It instils an efficacious grace into spouses because Christ has raised these two people to a sacramental relationship. Hence, through marriage Christ bestows graces on the spouses. Christ becomes the centre of marriage; as one of the couples told on my interview, there are three people in marriage, two spouses and Christ. In fact, I would put as, only two people: Christ and spouses. Hence, the covenantal marriage of man and woman is indissoluble: God himself is determined it: ‘what therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder’ (Mt 19:6). Today marriages are on edge; it is because they have probably made Christ as an ‘Aspirin God’ who helps them whilst in trouble. I think Christ has to be in the middle of the matrimonial union: in prayer, in conversations, in sharing, in eating, in work, in entertainment etc. If Christ is in the centre of matrimony it cannot be any tetchy because Christ becomes the author of matrimonial union.

Conclusion: All the spouses on the interview on Family have one thing in common to remain faithful to each other through love. ‘The intimate union of marriage, as a mutual giving of two person, and the good of the children, demand total fidelity from the spouses and require an unbreakable union between them’ (Gaudium et spes 48). This fidelity is utterly based on love. I know a couple who is married and living together yet there is no love for each other, which means they live together just for the sake of it but in reality they have no love for each other. It would be a plus if the spouses remember their first love for each other and renew their marital vows every often; it will remind spouses that God has intended them to be united for whole life.  

I would like to relate the matrimonial love to the Trinitarian love. The Trinity is united in love and work in perfect harmony as depicted by the famous icon of Rembrandt. It the Trinitarian love that drives Son of God to come to human rescue. Therefore, the Trinity is in love with us all. The matrimonial love is unconditional, in which the spouses give to each other fully. It is this love that drives the spouses to bear fruits and take good care of that fruits. Hence, it is significant we concentrate on this kind of love than a mediocre or a barter-style of love. Let the love dominate the covenantal marriages.  

Photo: Erwin and Shaunet Thomson from Lethem.